~ Kahlil Gibran. Sand and Foam. 1926. ~
Infatuated???
September 5, 2008i have a crush.*
[definition #5. Informal. a) A usually temporary infatuation. (b) One who is the object of such an infatuation.]
i am feeling abnormal recently…
we all know i am a 34-year old mother of 3 kids. i have a super-dooper loving hubby who takes care of me. i have a healthy relationship with my family and good friends at the side. i have an exciting and challenging job. i am an extrovert and an achiever. see, i am complete.
here’s what’s wrong. i am recently infatuated with a girl. ya heard it right, boy. A GIRL. a lady, woman, a girl officemate. see, that’s weird.
i am simply smitten with her, like a high school kid. i simply can’t look at her in the eyes, and get breathless everytime we cross paths on the hallway. conversation with her is impossible. i get tongue-tied and awed everytime i feel her close by. what’s even weird is that when i close my eyes i see her pretty face! worse, is that she seem to be looking at me in the same dazed perspective! really, really, really weird…
i am really totally awed with myself. this is something new for me. though i am NOT in any way entertaining thoughts of abuse, i am actually questioning my deep self as to how all these thoughts came about.
here are some questions:
- am i a lesbian?
- does it make a woman a lesbian if she is infatuated with another woman?
- is this just a by-product of an imagination?
- is this a simple hero-worship?
- what prompted these feelings of want and infatuation with a homo-being?
- am i critically suppressed? (whoah! i didn’t realize it until now!)
- why is this liking feeling happened only now and at this point in my waking time?
- is this sexual preference a by-product of a spiritual emasculation?
really, the questions are endless!
lest i be misunderstood, i hope that by posting this i will finally find answers to unending questions…
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