Just Between You and Me…

i have something juicy to share. but promise me you’ll hush…

an officemate, a sweet girl named Aya, and her fiancée, Bryan, a former officemate, will tie the knot this December. 

AND I WAS INVITED TO BE NINANG!

i had chopsuey emotions — from feelings of surprise, disbelief, elation and finally sheer joy. i get to be Ninang sa Kasal for the first time!

awryt, so what if i’m only turning 35 years old? does that make me matrona-like and actually a candidate for being Ninang sa Kasal? 

it was a peculiar feeling and somewhat crazy. and i cannot help but smile at the thought! i can imagine how Luigi’s face will light up once i told him of the news… worse, i can almost hear his shrewd laughter!

haha, dammit! i am actually loving it and enjoying the feeling of being Ninang…

on a serious note, whatever Aya and Bryan’s feelings about me being a worthy one is something else. i’ve known them only for about 2 years and whatever trust, faith and confidence they see in me are more or less superficial (at least from my point of view). i feel that they have not known the real Me inside-out and may want to consider getting to know me first before deciding to make me a part of their married life.  that could be the reason for my authentic surprise.

i actually asked God ‘why me?’ and on a deeper level asked Him ‘WHY?’ and ‘am i worthy enough?’  it was totally mind-boggling for me considering the things i’ve been through in the past. i still feel that i am unworthy and unforgiven, and that i have been marked for eternity.

but of course, God’s plans are not my plans. He has laid down the path for my life such that i will live entirely according to His will. no if’s, no but’s, and no why’s. and that probably settles it.

there’s still 11 months to cope up and to get to know each other better. i might start opening up a little more about myself and they are most likely to see the many flaws about me. maybe they’ll change their minds. or worse, they may not. either way, our lives will begin to get interlinked from hereon.

meantime, i will have to re-process myself entirely and make myself a worthy Ninang that they can be proud of. 

WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS.

haaay… the perks of motherhood. 

Some days…

i can’t say i’m fine today. it definitely wasn’t my day.

foremost, my itchy throat is bothering me. not only was it itchy, it also had a slight burning sensation inside. second, my lone staff (my assistant) is even bossier than me.  my boss however, is hankering for attention and piqued at my patience a little bit. and well, some other people are just grappling in the workplace and wants a taste of my nerve, er, talent.  

so what if i’m pissed off?! today isn’t the best day in the world…

i am thinking a lot of crazy things lately. i am still at a loss. i could use a really nice restful sleep. i hope tonight.

btw, a few more items and i’m done with the budget projection for EXO. on a positive note, my other boss helped me out with the budget, like he did last year. he had been cool and focused despite endless meetings with the executives and pressure from not just one aspect of his workload. he still managed to lift up my spirits a little bit. just a little bit.

i hope that this is just hormones. or the stars. but i am hoping this pissed-off feeling will linger only at the office atmosphere. hoping to brush off this feeling and move on a little bit on the upbeat scale.

disintegrated– probabale cause of the pissed-off feeling:

• itchy-burning feeling in the throat
• still sickly (not 100% okay)
• worried about the financials
• burnout
• workload
• work without fun is exhausting
• a lot of things
• keep the car earning!
• boss’ rants
• assistant being an ASS-istant
• where’s my sunshine?

Song in my heart at the moment:

             BETTER IN TIME  by Leona Lewis 

yep, hope to get better tonight.

glad that tomorrow is a new day…

Tiger in Ox Year

Year of the Ox Projection for TIGER 

General

You will be very popular this year and might be able to use this time to participate in more people oriented activities to enjoy and reap the benefits. Greater authority or responsibilities will be given to you this year, and this will be an opportune time to prove yourself. However, do not get carried away as the challenges this year will be sudden and harsh. People might even pull the plug on you unexpectedly or a sudden crisis might appear from thin air. You will need to be alert and be prepared for all possibilities. There will also be a strong likelihood that people might want to get you into trouble this year. Be careful not to allow yourself to be duped. This year, males will have better luck than females. For females, your luck will improve if you work together with males or seek help from males. Your health will only be average and your wealth will be below average. You might overspend and your luck in the game of chance will be weaker than usual. You might take this opportunity to buy something that you desire but keep a watch over your finances. There will be a strong indication of being cheated or of even being robbed.

Career

This year, management will have no hesitation in giving you heavier responsibilities and bigger roles because they trust that you will be someone whom they can rely upon. However, this will not necessarily come with a promotion or a salary increase. Even though you will be given greater authority this year, you will need to prepare for unexpected matters that might occur such as someone taking credit from you at the last moment and something going wrong at the eleventh hour or you might find yourself at the losing end. How well you fair this year will depend on how well you will be able to handle sudden crisis, prepare contingency plans and avoid being manipulated by others. Since your popularity will be stronger this year, those engaged in sales, project management or any other roles that are people oriented, will tend to perform better.

If in business, your sales will be very good this year. This will be a great time to be involved in building rapport, publicity and networking. Even when your business will be doing very well and you might have plans to expand your business, be extra careful in making investments or expanding aggressively. There will tend to be many unforeseen challenges appearing this year. Try to set aside some time to develop any contingency plans should things take a turn for the worse. You might also want to be careful of whom you might employ this year. Should you overhear of any quick cash schemes or anything that might sound too good to be true, you should be skeptical rather than having to be sorry later. This year, being courageous, having an eye for detail and being flexible will be required in order to do well.

Wealth

Your wealth luck will not be good. Not only will it be difficult to gain wealth through investments, it will also be equally difficult to save this year as you might have to make big purchases this year. However, you might also take this opportunity to buy something that you want. Try not to get involved in investment related activities this year. Although you might have to make large purchases, try to limit access to your available funds by placing most of it in Fixed Deposits or by locking them up in investments in order that you will not be able to deplete it. Another factor that will determine how well your wealth status is this year will depend on how well you can avoid being cheated by others or making wrong financial decisions as a result of others misrepresentations or being misled. As such, you will not only need to be wary of individuals, but will also need to be careful of Institutions that you might deal with. You might also be prone of being robbed this year so avoid flaunting your wealth unnecessarily.

Relationship

In the case of singles, this will be a great time to socialize as there will be a high probability that you will fall in love. If you are attached, there will be a stronger possibility that you will move on to the next phase of your relationship such as getting married. If you are married, the bond you have will be far stronger than usual. As your popularity will be very strong this year, you will tend to attract people like a magnet does. Thus it will be wiser to maintain a comfortable distance with the opposite sex should you already be in a relationship as your popularity might create misunderstandings with those close to you.

Health

Your health will only be average this year. However, you will need to be careful of illnesses that might be related to sudden bouts of anger, such as high blood pressure, strokes or even heart attacks. This will be mainly because there will be many situations that might catch you off guard that might result in extreme anger or bitter disappointment. The more you will be able to minimize your anger or disappointment, the better your health will be. This will not mean that you should suppress your stress and frustrations deep within you. You will need to work on the healthiest way to channel your stress outwards. This year, be extra careful of being robbed and avoid wearing too much jewellery or carrying too much cash around.

People

It might sound contradictory that although you will be enjoying greater popularity this year, yet there will be many people who might want to deceive you, get you into trouble or let you down at the last minute. You should not take all the wining, dining and friendly smiles at face value as some people will have ulterior motives. You might also fall in love, make new allies and have new friends. However, you should not let your guard down. It will still be best not to share confidential or sensitive information with people who might have conflicting interests with you, no matter how close you might feel to the person. If you have important decisions to make, avoid relying upon others for the information gathered and try to do your own homework or at the very least verify critical information yourself.

Plans for 2009

when the new year dust and raucous had settled, i had the privilege for a fine time alone with myself. i grabbed a new journal, ans started writing. my handwriting furiously exploring each pages, the edged ballpoint burning away the lines.

POST-PARTUM BLUES - the 2008 actual experience

2008 had been a blessing year for me.

there was a general notable improvement in many aspects of my personal and professional life. not only that, there was a MAJOR LEAP on some decisions which made a mark this year. several milestones were achieved as well as big pay-offs, and some ‘dreams’ were realized. it was indeed a great year for me!

while my career and financials have been fruitful, i noticed that a big chunk of my id (read: subliminal perception) is aching for the deep-rooted aspect of my being.

i found Myself telling Me this: ‘you seem to have achieved more this year… so what???’ 

and Myself replied: “every achievement is superficial without a purpose.”

i guess both of them make sense… 

TELL ME ABOUT 2009…

inspite of the birth pains, i managed to writhe into the depths of my being, and identified 5 specific NEEDS for 2009. 

[note that they are not called a ‘goal’, ‘plan’, ‘resolution’ or ‘timetable’. they are a list of the things i NEED to do in order the address the dying id.]

1. WRITE PEOPLE LETTERS — an offshoot of ‘08 post-partum blues. i wanted badly to write the most important people (i.e. family members, siblings, mom, dad, hubb, kids, etc.) in my life  last christmas, enclosed with a gift of course. but due to the rush and hush of the yuletide season, i wasn’t able to meet the goal. i could have done it if i had not been confined to the superficial.
• Action Plan: Send a birthday card as a present, including a really personal letter.
2. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I HAVE TAMED. — remember the Little Prince book? i am forever responsible for the people i have tamed: MY FRIENDS. it matters not whether they are from the present or the past as long as they are my friends. on a deeper thought, i realized that my SNChoir friends need the most guidance and mentoring at this point in time. each of our lives were beset with problems and trials, and most if not all are actually in crisis. we need a support system now more than ever, and i feel that i have been urged by God to initiate it.
• Action Plans: (1) Gather the SNChoir regularly for updates and a conversation. probably also initiate a ‘bible reading’ or a ‘purpose driven life’ session. (2) establish a ‘prayer warrior’ relationship.
3. ‘SING ME A SONG AGAIN, CHILD.’  —  it was Itay’s voice calling me from a distance, asking me to sing for Him one more time. and teach people His songs. now this is a really tall order considering my topsy-turvy schedule! apart from the gift of writing, the gift of song and singing is inevitable. the gift of a voice is one thing i couldn’t get away with. they say that a true measure of success is to be able to pass on the gift to others and maximized to its potential. 
• Prayer: ‘i don’t know how but just lead me, Lord. and i will follow…’
4. I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR GIFTS. —  i promised Itay this year that whatever gifts He entrusted me in 2008 will be taken cared of well. that includes my relationship with my family, friends, colleagues, staff; my talents and giftedness; material possessions He blessed me with in ‘08; my work and all other responsibilities; as well as the gift of wisdom, mentoring, friendship and love.
• Prayer: ‘Lord, all my so-called possessions are not mine for the keeping. instead, you entrusted me these gifts to nurture and guide up to its maturity. continue guiding me and all my endeavors, and keep me and these gifts safe in Your perfect arms…’
5. CONTINUE GROWING AND BEARING FRUIT. —  this is the ultimate GOAL for 2009 and sums up the first 4 points in the list. 

there you go!

one down…

will try to finish up the Year in Review…

thanks for reading. your comments are most welcome!

Chilly Nights

i sooo love the chilly weather!

reminds me of holidays in Sampaloc, Manila, where most of my most memorable childhood was spent…

reminds me of simbang gabi… and CCP days with my high school friends…

reminds me of Palace in the Sky at Tagaytay with Luigi when we were sweethearts…  crazily chasing clouds, hoping to touch it’s cotton-candy softness… not realizing that the drizzle around us are actually the clouds…

the chilly weather almost always allow us to show off our best jackets and parkas… whether they are original signature ones or purchased in ukay2.  and yes, it isn’t so much funny to dress up like those guys in the  U.S. of A, and not get sweaty with overlapping clothes.

snuggling around the sheets, under the covers with my kids and hubb on chilly nights are special… closeness, coziness and coo… awesome moments!

and best of all…

IT’S A COOL CHANGE.

we all know manila is scorching hot during summer. it’s been a while since we had that 19 degree centigrade temp…

i love the chilly weather inspite of me having bad colds and cough and acute pharyngitis…yep, i’ve been sick since weekend, just got back to work today.

i’ll just enjoy those chilly nights while it lasts… 

on another note:

i still owe you the 2 ‘Up Next’ posts…

this is diversionary tactic, of course!

Up Next…

subjects for my next posts (in no particular order):

• 2008: A Year in Review - this item i’ve been doing for a few consecutive years already. a tradition to introspect and review the year that was, and realize the lessons behind the tests and obstacles along the way. a written proof of what generally transpired in my life, tracking the highs and lows and plateaus. this activity keeps me grounded and allows me to view my frailties and strength as an individual. 

• 2009 Plans - i’ll be laying down my plans for the new year. plans are simply framework of things to do, hence, should not be confused with resolutions. some say that dreams are to be written in order to be realized. and that’s the value of a PLAN.

so far so good. though i’m cringing again for loads of work. i’ll find a way to write these thoughts down.

good luck to me… 

Reloaded!

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

after that 2-week looooong vacation, i’m back on track!

thank God for those wonderful restful hours, it kicked me out of my rather mediocre and busy life. finally, a rest that was worthwhile! 

though the holiday activities were spontaneous and stressful, my yuletide was climaxed by a stress-busting much-needed VACATION. suddenly, my once topsy-turvy schedule turned into eccentric yet unchallenging moments. i was back into the days of spontaneity and unplanned liefstyle. it was like gaining back my ‘old self’  which i embraced with fortitude and gratitude.

imagine waking up at 12noon onwards…

imagine reading a really good book (i.e. Dan Brown’s ‘Deception Point’)

imagine having to stay at home to lounge, eat, sleep, reconnect with yourself, in perfect SILENCE…

imagine having to meet old-time friends for that yearly get-together…

imagine having to play with the kids at 2AM at the MOA grounds…

imagine reading readable…and re-reading classic books!

imagine cleaning the house spic-and-span (whoa?!)…

imagine reading old notes and loveletters…

imagining gathering old files and old stuff of my kids and arranging them neatly in a secure place…

imagine writing to Me… 

imagine a nocturnal life…

(i realized how much i appreciate twilight  than dawn. i must’ve been a repressed vampire for all you know!)

imagine fine-tuned moments with Luigi…

imagine more conversations with my kids…

imagine a life less all its stressful elements! 

thank God for the long needed vacation…

i am recharged and ready for 2009!