~ Kahlil Gibran. Sand and Foam. 1926. ~
Just Between You and Me…
January 22, 2009
i have something juicy to share. but promise me you’ll hush…
an officemate, a sweet girl named Aya, and her fiancée, Bryan, a former officemate, will tie the knot this December.
AND I WAS INVITED TO BE NINANG!
i had chopsuey emotions — from feelings of surprise, disbelief, elation and finally sheer joy. i get to be Ninang sa Kasal for the first time!
awryt, so what if i’m only turning 35 years old? does that make me matrona-like and actually a candidate for being Ninang sa Kasal?
it was a peculiar feeling and somewhat crazy. and i cannot help but smile at the thought! i can imagine how Luigi’s face will light up once i told him of the news… worse, i can almost hear his shrewd laughter!
haha, dammit! i am actually loving it and enjoying the feeling of being Ninang…
on a serious note, whatever Aya and Bryan’s feelings about me being a worthy one is something else. i’ve known them only for about 2 years and whatever trust, faith and confidence they see in me are more or less superficial (at least from my point of view). i feel that they have not known the real Me inside-out and may want to consider getting to know me first before deciding to make me a part of their married life. that could be the reason for my authentic surprise.
i actually asked God ‘why me?’ and on a deeper level asked Him ‘WHY?’ and ‘am i worthy enough?’ it was totally mind-boggling for me considering the things i’ve been through in the past. i still feel that i am unworthy and unforgiven, and that i have been marked for eternity.
but of course, God’s plans are not my plans. He has laid down the path for my life such that i will live entirely according to His will. no if’s, no but’s, and no why’s. and that probably settles it.
there’s still 11 months to cope up and to get to know each other better. i might start opening up a little more about myself and they are most likely to see the many flaws about me. maybe they’ll change their minds. or worse, they may not. either way, our lives will begin to get interlinked from hereon.
meantime, i will have to re-process myself entirely and make myself a worthy Ninang that they can be proud of.
WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS.
haaay… the perks of motherhood.
