At 75…

i love Nanay dearly. 

she is my beacon, inspiration and light. she is THE biggest factor for what i am now and what i still hope to be. there are many things i love and adore about her, except one thing: FINANCES.

don’t get me wrong. i’m not writing this piece to badmouth her or to put her into negative light. this piece is not about her but more about ME.

let me expound further.

on the upside: 

she’s turning 75 tomorrow (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NAY!) and aging gracefully. contrary to women of her age, she seemed not to have aged at all, unaffected by stress, and thankfully, still healthy (ask my friends who dropped by the house last October…). she loves Tatay so dearly, still cares for him, feed him, provides for all his basic needs without asking for anything in return. see, Tatay has had major stroke almost 12 years ago, and he is deteriorating a little everyday. but without Nanay, he wouldn’t have survived his sickness for long.

Nanay honed me to become what i am today. she is the most important factor why i believe in myself and why i continuously strive to be the best. she guided me and exposed me to so many diverse and wonderful experiences as a child. 

on the downside:

she’s a plain housewife, and decide to be such up to this time. she doesn’t want to gamble with life, says NO to any business opportunities, and adapt a life that is comfortable and mediocre. 

at one point in time, Tatay had to be photographer aside from normal office work, which kinda helped us with the financials. but we were always short. i grew up scrambling with my finances, not really knowing what to do with it except spend it the best i could under the cramped circumstances.

she’s 75 now, without work, without anything to depend on except us, her working heirs. at present, she is about 50% dependent on Tatay’s pension and 50% dependent on other people (i.e. her children, my uncle in the States, etc.). 

she’s practically clueless about her future. she’s living life a day at a time, resigning to God’s graces by the hour.

why i don’t wanna be like her:

i don’t want to just rely on God’s graces. though i know God suffices all my daily need, i don’t want to wake up the next morning wondering where to get the resources to feed my family. i want security and a clear future for my kids.

i don’t want to rely on other people for my basic needs. i do not imagine myself having nothing to bank on but myself.

i don’t want to grapple with life anymore. at this age, i may have experienced all kinds of pain, hardship, tests and obstacles imaginable. near the end, i’d want to free myself with unnecessary worries and just live life with ease and bliss and more comfort.

what i’ll be at 75 (if God allow me to live that long):

i will have at least a dozen businesses. my kids and other relatives will benefit from it.

i have gone to different places old and new. and still travel the world for those remaining days.

i have put up a foundation for helping other people. perhaps, the elderly or abused children.

i have already written a book. (or books.)

on another thought:
 

i have, from hereon, 40 years to achieve the dream and weave my life according to this.

i’m turning 35 this April. 40 years short from 75.