Nightmares

the nightmares came back last weekend.

not the usual nightmare but the big ones i had in the past: the ultimate Freddie Krueger, came back once again to haunt me. the ones that would creep on me in the sleeping state, and even when awake. it crashed on me again last weekend.

and i had to retract.  as always, i did a major retraction and this time, my other blog, my pet project, and the one i had for the longest time had to be severed to its final extinction. hence, my blogger blog will no longer be available for viewing and reading. 

see, this is a MAJOR heartbreak for me. deciding to junk a blog into oblivion is like cutting away a precious part of myself. i wrote in the blog many times that blogging is an extension of myself and embosed in each webpages is a big chunk  of my spiritual self. it’s like writing with your own blood in a piece of paper, each webpages is uniquely written to express a deep rooted feeling in the hope of reaching out to many.

initially when i  got into blogging, the mission is just to express myself, as in a journal. however, as the turn of events in my not-so-popular-life became complicated, admittedly, i used it as a tool to reach out to people positively or otherwise. pubishing my thoughts on some issues has affected the lives of many individuals who were important to me: my friends, former officemates, and primarly, my husband, who have been reading it with as much passion as he can, hence, he had ‘learned’ badly from it.

so the nightmares came back this weekend because of this blog. and i had to sever it completely from my life to be able to move on and move upward. there is no need for excess baggage.

i am still heartbroken, yet i feel a new sense of liberty i had not felt in a long while. perhaps this is what letting go is all about…

as for the nightmares, i guess it will come back once in a while. but then, do we have to fear them? the real antidote for fear is LOVE. therefore, it is best to love under the worst circumstances. even with nightmares.

i would like to share with you the last post in my blog dated March 27, 2009:

 

i am bading goodbye to this blog.

THIS WILL BE MY LAST POST FOR [blog].

due to a number of reasons, this blog will cease to exist tomorrow at 12noon.

as of this writing, i am totally heartbroken and in pain. i love this blog so much and it has become so much a part of me. i will forever cherish everything that was written here and thankful to the people who become part of this.

this blog ends it journey. tomorrow, it is going into the void, the great blackhole of life. my children and my children’s children will no longer hear of it, will never read each webpages full of what’s inside me. will never learn from what i have learned. and will no longer undersand the depths of me.

yet, i am saying goodbye to cut myself completely from what i have been, as part of the sacrifices i offered to the Lord when i had to do a 180-degrees turn.

to the people i once hurt, I AM SO SORRY. and to those who may have been affected by what i have written, please remember that YOUR PAST DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR FUTURE (thanks to Bro. Bo for this). your past is dead, it has no life. it should be thrown into the wind along with your regrets. that means we have to move on without excess baggages to live life to the fullest.

 

to those who appreciated my writings, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. your comments and reactions were valuable and well-taken. and for those who have been following this blog for the longest time, it is with regret that i have to let go.

i once wrote here that goodbyes are not forever. unfortunately for this blog, it is…

goodbye to the sea. forever…

;’-(

 

On Socials and Secks

anent my previous post on socials, i attended the ‘Intermediary Ball,’ the annual awards night for our brokers and agents, last Friday at the Captain’s Bar of Mandarin Hotel.

 
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Socials

i have a very tight social schedules nowadays. 

last Friday, i attended Gay’s bebe shower.

attended the wake of the wife of our Chairman of the Board early this week.

just this am, i attended the interment mass service with my bosses.

and tonight, i’ll be attending the Annual Broker’s Night at Captain’s Bar in Mandarin.

 
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Lenten Reflection (part 1)

lenten calendar CHALLENGE and REFLECTION: 

MARCH 17, Tues -  Look for evidence of God at work in your life today.

 

this was yesterday. but i appreciated its value only today. i looked back at yesterday and felt that i had focused my energy on the ‘less’ than the ‘more’; on the things i dont have, rather than the evidences of God’s good work for my life.

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Lenten Calendar for 2009

wanna share this to you guys, to guide your journey towards 3-duom.

it’s a 40-day challenge.

though a little bit late, you may want to just do things randomly. what matters is that you DO IT, right?

 
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Whaddaf***!

someone banged the phone at me!

i would have passed on the reaction, but hey, this person IS a friend! not the kind of mediocre friendship but ours is a really tight one.

 
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