On our 11th…

 An Ode to My Man…

11 years seem to fly us by…

11 years of marriage mean endless learning and getting-to-know-you episodes. sometimes exhilirating, other times exasperating. but it always keeps me preoccupied. you were quite a handful.

 

sometimes the feelings obliterate. sometimes i feel like being on queue. sometimes your presence drives me mad. and i keep questioning fate if i deserve it. perhaps you enjoy seeing me suffer or pained. perhaps i, too, have to be blamed. and i admit at times, i can be a masochist, too. 

but once the tables turn, you bring me sheer joy. cocooned, protected, firewalled. sometimes, too tightly that my chest would burst. but i love that warmth and your consistency for inconsistence, that i am always puzzled and in awe. sometimes deliberately, other times, just plain surprise. 

 

the life you showed me is treacherous. how we both love spontaneity and the element of surprise. we love asking ‘what’s next?’ or ‘what about tomorrow?’ i’ve learned to gamble life with you. and as much as i enjoy it, sometimes life pricks us so hard in the finger, it bleeds profusely. but that’s how life is. you get what you deserve because of what you give it.

 

our lives entwined in a vast sphere of interlinked souls. our souls tripled in ten years. on our eleventh, it quadrupled. blessings after blessings of life’s continuity were showered upon us. not only because we deserve it, but because we are worthy. 

 

when we focused on a single goal, we achieve. we fail only when we disintegrate. that’s what life is teaching us: to achieve our dreams together, to hang on to each other, to hold on and weather every storm, to depend on each of our strengths to be able to achieve. but we keep forgetting. we keep on denying that our strength lies on each other and our weaknesses were borne out of our independence. we have to stick together like a stamp in a postcard until we get to our destination.

 

still our 11th is worth celebrating.

inspite of the failure and pain and some hardships, life is meant to be lived because there was YOU.

and because i realized that life will never be the same if i ain’t got you. 

 

~ to Luigi, my lover, partner and friend… 

Motherhood (again)

sometimes life plays a trick on you…

remember my previous post on remission? i exhaled a lot of negative thoughts in that particular post, not really caring whether someone get hurt in the process. and i don’t regret the exhale.

hubb expressed bitter regrets for what he’s done, and i have forgiven his shortcomings (though, as i said, it cannot easliy be forgotten…). now we’re totally okay, and life is once again smooth. THANK GOD.

but while in remission, i was surprised by one of God’s infallible ways. my period was a few weeks delayed, and while contemplating on the remission, God gave me another reason to hold on to my marriage. i’m already 10 weeks pregnant with our 4th child.

the kids were so thrilled with the thought of a new baby. they were even the ones who informed Nanay and my sisters (and some neighbors, too!) that i am preggy. hubb was also excited, already thinking of the new set-up for the rooms. Ate and Kuya’s cannot stay in the same room as the baby.

and me? oh well… though i had some second thoughts at the onset, there was no doubt in my mind that this baby is a gift from heaven.  Motherhood is a privilege, a gift and an honor. and not everyone is as blessed and as capable of rearing a child.

on the financial aspect (which is also a major consideration), i am so blessed for being in a company that will shoulder my maternity concerns. my monthly consults with the OB is *FREE OF CHARGE* and our delivery package covers P20K for NSD, which is a substantial amount of financial assistance! oh, and there’s SSS maternity benefit, medical reimbursements for my meds, etc. etc. 

i am both excited and scared yet again. excited for the new baby (that i can almost smell his/her angel’s breath!) and scared at the thought of the gruelling childbirth since i’ve been through it 3x already. but there was no doubt in my mind that i’ll be able to succesfully give birth via NSD, i just know…

moving forward with life, i am trusting God’s ways for everything. now more than ever, i realized how important faith is. another pregnancy was not part of MY plans for this year, but since God has other plans for me, i don’t think i have right to question Him. and yes, there are no accidents.

i just pray fervently that this baby grow up to be strong, intelligent and healthy. 

;-)