Just Some Thoughts…

sorry again for the long lull…

i have been logging into this blog and creating posts but i can’t seem to find the time to finish them. all of the thoughts i have written would be a waste if i’ll just delete them. 

so, here…  snippets of thoughts i had for the past few months, hoping to finally make you understand what is going on inside me.  

written 2009-06-01 @15:14:00

tell me of misery. of sadness. of warfare and desolation.

tell me of times where there is no life. where nothing important matters to who you really are.

not even success. or wealth. or knowledge. 

misery completes the picture.  

 

the person that you really are do not set you apart from your misery.

[whatever the feelings  i had on this day reflects a rather gloomy perspective. gladly, it’s just the rush…]

o ~ 0 ~ o

written 2009-06-03 @12:16:00

i’m still crazy about going back to school.

but i can’t seem the find the time or energy or the hard push to get there or to get moving.

 

i am at a threshold asking whether i ‘want’ to or i ‘need’ to.  want is something superficial, like gushing for that candy. need is something deeper, as in one cannot live without it. at present, i’m at the stage where i am in deep want of something to disturb my mediocre corporate life. i want something to excite me, and going back to school will really speed me up.

  

either way, it will benefit me entirely.  

[this post was weeks before i learned i am pregnant…]

o ~ 0 ~ o

2009-07-31 13:28:00

i just sooo L-O-V-E my kids!!!

 

they are growing up so fast and growing up to be good-natured and cool kids. though they still have their unique naughty notions, one cannot discount the fact that their genes were strewn out of mine. we share the same smile, laughter, funny faces. and we love making fun of ourselves without getting too emotional or onion-skinned. they loved laughing loudly and laughing their hearts out.

they aren’t afraid to show their weaknesses, not afraid to be caught in an uncompromising position because of their actions. they aren’t afraid to show their feelings at me and towards me. and yes, they can be subversive sometimes,  but that is probably my trait and they got it from me.

they make me feel loved all the time. they love to hug me so tight and kiss me like babies (even if they are all too grown up now to kiss their mom like babies!). they are expressive in sharing their thoughts and feelings at me because i encourage them to speak up about what they feel. for example, i tell them: ‘tell me what you feel coz i am not a fortune-teller and i hate guessing games.’

o ~ 0 ~ o

2009-08-04 13:14:00

this pregnancy thing is really peculiar.

 

i had my 3 kids born consecutively almost every year and rarely felt any peculiarities and cravings on the first quarter of pregnancy. but this one is notably annoying.

foremost, my mornings are dependent on her (let’s assume she’s a she…). either that i’d roll out of bed gracefully or i’d roll out of it bummed. either that i have a terrible headahe or that i am heady and geared completely.

i hate all kinds of BAD smell! i don’t like eating the food i cooked and would rather eat out and buy fastfood. 

i am  crazy about japanese food especially sashimi in kikoman and wasabe! i crave for it almost everyday. most days, FRUITS are my companion especially watermelons! 

 

[yes, the peculiar feeling is still going on inside me like ‘first time’. sometimes, i feel like such a bum… but then again, i feel that i have a rather glowing aura, which some deduce as a certain ‘coming of age in pregnancy’ which to me is a positive thing… ]