~ Kahlil Gibran. Sand and Foam. 1926. ~
An Ode to the Wound Beneath my Old Bandage
September 3, 2010i saw your name on ym.
i stare at it as if alive.
i sometimes feel it’s breathing on me…
and breaking me everyday.
sometimes i wish i could just honk on you.
and feel my presence once more.
and feel your presence once more.
like we were before.
like the way we did.
like how we did it.
i wonder how it all went wrong?
and where i went wrong?
and what started it all.
and why you just felt cold.
i am feeling cold, alright.
sometimes missing you.
sometimes dreaming of you.
sometimes hating you.
sometimes loving you.
all those strong emotions carry me through.
and sometimes i feel dumb.
and numb. and scared.
and sorry. and sad.
and mad. and crazy.
i just miss you so.
‘you are wound beneath an old bandage.’
i heard Mitch Albom say over and over.
and it still hurts because the wound wouldn’t heal.
couldn’t heal.
because underneatha slab is still stuck inside me.
inside me.
so who’s forgiven?
who should be forgiven?
i do not remember if i asked to be forgiven.
or forgiveness in any sense.
perhaps i am proud. too proud.
but you were proud, too.
and that made all the difference.
you just shut me out.
and out of pride we had a fall out.
i wanted to reach out my hand in peace.
and build that bridge.
but i don’t have the strength. not yet.
in fact, i feel so weak and helpless.
holding out my hand weakens my soul.
but not holding it at all weakens both my heart and soul.
i am battling with time.
who can promise me the morrow?
i might not have time to apologize.
not have time for reprieve.
i need more prayers and strength of God.
to be able to achieve this.
the question of forgiveness…
the prayer for reprieve…
my heart is aching to reach out.
and my soul is arid for absolution.
i will seek my counsel and ask for help.
but i will keep on watching you.
laid back…
wishing i still have you.
my wound beneath an old bandage…
it still hurts.
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the wound is just a figment of my imagination.
please see my later post…
;-)
Posted by onecellinthesea at October 21, 2010, 5:10 pm